Can commitments really help you start cults and quit smoking? Theres a famous story which started off as a little community project with the leader claiming that she had seen a vision of apocalyptic doom. A messenger had been sent from above with a divine notice to inform her of a date, time and rescue plan. All she had to do was prepare herself and as many people as she could. From that day onwards, she went on a fervent mission to save as many of her neighbours as possible.

Repent! Save yourself! The doom is coming!

She enthralled those around her with her conviction.  Eventually what started as a party of one multiplied into a party of many. Soon plenty of her neighbours started believing her words, sold their possessions, left their jobs and families behind and moved in with her, awaiting judgement day. Upon that day of Judgement, the messenger had promised that a spaceship would arrive at midnight to save her and her followers. 

Guess what happened at midnight? 

Most of us have the innate ability to avoid danger. Like driving a car with a GPS, our internal guide tells us when to turn and lets us know If we are going the wrong way. 

Yet, why do we often fail to listen to our personal GPS? It definitely works better than Apple maps and is far more reliable than Google. Maybe a part of us still feels like it cannot be true or the more common answer. We do not want to admit we might have made a wrong choice. Whether its holding on to failing stocks or a sinking relationship for too long, we find it challenging to turn back once we have invested enough time and effort. What would the neighbours say? Things will turn around right?
Not always.

Researchers have studied the power of commitments and the conclusion

What they have come up with is that, people stay committed to what they believe. Even if what they believed was later proven false, their dogged belief refuses to change because; they had publicly committed to it. 

The spaceship arrived and took them home? That was the plan however, reality had other plans. No spaceship, no disaster and nothing happened. What do you think happened to all her loyal followers who had believed her, followed her and had left their lives behind? 

At that moment of no show, she claimed that she had received another message from the heavens stating that due to all their praying and repentance, the upper world had decided not to destroy the earth. They were saved because they had been miraculously judged as worthy.

This might sound a little like a meat called baloney but what happened next really surprised me.

Some followers who had only been passive in the beginning, took up full arms and were invigorated with the fire of belief. Their conviction in her as a messiah, grew even stronger though, very clearly there was no disaster and no spaceship. They had even sold everything they had, left their families and their lives behind for what was very clearly (to the rest of the world) a charlatan. How could their belief grow even stronger? 

Have you ever…

stood up and told all your friends that you were going to go somewhere, do something, change a habit; maybe loose weight, stop smoking, go back to school, switch careers or take up a new hobby? 

I have and when I wanted to not do it, guess what I realised? I would have to tell everyone that I previously committed too that I was not going to do it. In my eyes, I would look like a liar, a failure and I could not live with it. The shame of not fulfilling my commitments was far greater and the effort it required to keep the commitment. Nothing changed on the outside, everything changed on the inside. 

Have you ever … decided to lose weight and seek professional help?

The first thing the professional tells you to do is to weigh yourself and choose a goal; a weight you would like to lose. They then encourage you to tell as many people as possible that you are on a special program to lose “X” amount of weight. Secondly, they invite you tel tell these people when it would happen by. Why do they ask you to commit this ghastly act? 

When you tell people you are going to do something, your internal system clicks and you cannot help but connect and commit to it. 

Once you have made a public commitment, there is no going back. 

I do not believe anyone wakes up one day and decides that “todays a good day to join a cult!” All those members who might only had been casually interested at first, little by little, they started making bigger commitments. Finally, they entrenched themselves so deeply that there was no way that they could go back out into the world. How could they admit to anyone that they had believed a crazy person, sold everything they had, left their families behind and moved in with her hoping to be saved by a spaceship?

The shame of admitting they were wrong was far greater than living the lie; so they continued living the lie. 

How commitments can help you start cults and quit smoking

Meet Debra. Debra had soft golden brown hair, tanned skin and an infectious laugh that would get you going from a mile away. She was the impossibly shy, a little overweight and loved to drink Pina coladas on a Friday. She also just happens to be an avid smoker for more than 10 years. Smoking was the first thing she did every morning and it was the last thing she did before bed. Sometimes, it even beat her toothbrushing habits. 

Debra had tried everything to quit but somehow, she just could not make that leap. When all else fails, she tried a radical approach that she read on the internet. If it’s on the internet, it must be true, right? 

She printed some blank name cards and on one side of them wrote; “I promise you that I will never smoke another cigarette ever again”.

These name cards were given away to as many people as she knew. First friends, then family, later her colleagues, her boss, her grocery lady and finally even the man she was seeing at the time. That last one was difficult. She did not just like him, she really liked him. Rushing up up to him one morning with clammy shaking hands, she handed him a card without a word and zipped away like a light beam. 

Every time she had that craving to light up, and she did often, she would see his hazel eyes looking back at her. “Debra.. how could you? You.. promised” they would mumble in mortification. Shuddering, she would shake off the vision and tell herself no way, she cannot ever let him down. She would look like a failure in his eyes. He might not love her anymore if she broke her promise to him. How could she ever be trusted again?

As days progressed into weeks which evolved into months and then years…

she eventually stopped both her habit and seeing him. When she broke up with him, she wondered what on earth she had even seen in a fella like him? Whatever it was, she was thankful that it was there. The pain of disappointing him was so great and much greater than giving in. It had been her fuel to go on.

Now that she’s broken up, could she smoke again? Of course, if she wanted too. After so long away from cigarettes, Debra has a new association to them, one not of revulsion but rather of no thank you. She sees that schmuck every time she wants to light up and says; ‘no thank you’. 

Heres is something you can try at home..

1. What one thing can you think of thats keeping you away from the things you want in you life?
It could be a habit, a person, an activity, a type of food… Once you think of it, write it down. 

2. Write down what you might like to change it into.

I.e It could be waking up early, not spending as much time with that person, only doing that activity once or twice a week instead of every night, eating less of that food.

Make it something thats easy to do and realistic. Imagine something that is easily done and yet, which also takes you out of your comfort zone. 

3. Got it? Now find a friend you can really trust and let them know your plan.

Tell them to check on how you are doing in the next few days and once more after 7 days to see how far you have come. Kindly let them know that they are not allowed to scold you or to give you a motivational speech about getting it done.

Commitments are a wonderful tool to get things done; if we know how to use them.

Now try this little experiment and if you have any questions, please, send me a message at now@selfempowery.com. I would be happy to hear from you. 

Sending you love and blessings, 
Chirag Singapuri 
Self Empowery.com