What if life is not only about accomplishing goals? What if happiness is in fact living your purpose and that purpose is not only about being successful? Bear with me here as I try to dissect whats going on. Let me let you in on the little secret that everyone knows but many struggle to follow.

Lets stop for a moment and pay attention to whats going on.

What do you see? What do you hear? Hows the temperature? Notice anything new? It is said that if you stop for a moment and pay complete attention to someone or something with no measurement of time; you end up opening a new dimension into life.

Giving someone a moment of you time and undivided attention is the greatest gift that you can give. More precious than gold and often the hardest thing to share. It means making someone else more important than you. For most of us, our ego is so large— the need to do something, be someone, create something is so much greater than giving 5 minutes to someone else who is not exactly a part of that goal. An example might be a little kid. It is both really hard and yet so easy to take the time to play with a child and yet, theres a part inside us all when we are fighting in the trenches, that says I have no time, leave me alone or come back later. Later. 

I think success is appreciation and appreciation is being rewarded with money and/or attention.

That last part is so important for most of us — thats why social media is so successful. Instant gratification in the sense of love, attention and appreciation; being liked. Who does not feel great when their posts are liked by more people than they expect? You can call it shallow and perhaps most of us realise that it is meaningless yet the real truth is like a fish not realising that its swimming in water. 

Why is appreciation so important to so many of us? Why is it like oxygen to some, water to others and fire to a few. Without air we die instantly. Without water we cannot survive more than a few days and without fire for long periods, we are unable to cook anything delicious, warm our bellies and feel great — it is not just surviving, its living. 

Some of us need more attention than others.

Yet we all still need it. Why? What makes it such a drug for some and normal for others? Some pretend to not need it but also need it. I do not think anyone can live without attention and appreciation. Maybe if you are a Buddhist monk living in solitude on a mountain and theres no one around. Even then, I bet that Buddhist monk is happy when there are some animals close by and being friendly with him.. or when he feels the appreciation of God or the Buddha smiling at him. If we are unable to get it from the outside world, we try to create it in our inner world. 

Let me ask you 3 questions; think about what comes up. 

1. Can you remember a time recently when you felt really good?
2. What happened? 
3. How might you recreate this feeling for someone else. 

The little secret that everyone knows but many struggle to follow.

Its not about me. Being happy, is not about me. Being successful has nothing to do with me. 

Even reading this, I bet many of you are shaking your heads going of course it is! In German we say “Doch”, which is a word used when protesting or disagreeing with someone to cite that the opposite in fact is true. A polite way of disagreeing

Most of us want success because we want to be happy.

Success equates to financial reward, feelings of safety the finance brings, the looks and claps of admiration, appreciation and attention.  Heres the thing I am starting to realise — that second part is just as or more important than the money. Ok, maybe it is just me but.. let’s say you do 2 different pieces of work. You negotiate a successful sales contract and clean up the backyard. 

What if the sales contract brings plenty of money but no recognition? Your boss nods his head, does not say anything and writes you a fat cheque. No one benefits but you and you never talk about it again. Everyone you share this with does not seem interested in your success. No matter what, theres still that fat cheque. Feels good right? 

Now tell me your perspective of this. 

You clean up the backyard, you shovel 2 large loads of soil, you cut the grass, carry a bunch of heavy things around to make a place look nice. Maybe its not even your yard. You do not get paid a cent to be tired, cold, exhausted and covered in mud. What you do get is the look of admiration for the person you are doing this for,  high-fives and claps on the back from her family and people you know constantly telling you how great the job you did is. You see it for yourself, the place is shining. Its never looked so good. You have also never felt so tired but your spirits are cruising at higher altitudes. 

Now it would be great if the first example came with your boss telling you how awesome you are and the second with a fat paycheque. But in this scenario, let’s keep things the way they are. If you were the person who performed both tasks, which would make you feel happier and more satisfied?

Logically we want it all and but the prophet Mick Jagger once preached that “you can’t always get what you want”. The key word is always.. most of the time, but not always. 

Imagine theres no right or wrong answer — only what feels right for you. The point of this essay is not to preach appreciation over monetary rewards; both are equally important. My question to you is whats more important to you? If you know this vital piece of the puzzle, it makes it easier to solve. It also gives you more time and joy to spread. The strange thing about life is that if we can make ourselves happy, we can and want to make others happy. Joy is contagious — someone laughs like a crazy person and most of us cannot help but want to join in — some try to stifle it as much as they can but theres still that hint of a smile and a warmer belly. 

Some share time, others share wealth and a few share both. Whatever your contribution is, service to others is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. Yes you read it right. Its never about them, its always about us. And if its about us, its about them too. 

Try to make sense of that. 

“Don’t feel bad if people remember you only when they need you. Feel privileged that you are like a candle that comes to their mind when there is darkness.”

Anonymous

Fear in a box – A meditation

Fear is not what you think but what you feel. If you can change your relationship with it, you have a good chance, albeit a better one, of sending it packing. In this following meditation, I guide you through a short exercise on building confidence. Enjoy. 

What is courage?

Visit us @The Courage Diaries where we explore the different facets of courage from seemingly normal people who have accomplished great tasks. You do not need to be superhuman to accomplish the superhuman. These interviews have been heart opening experiences sharing the secret recipe of confidence. Have a story to tell? Send us an email today!

The little secret that everyone knows but many struggle to follow.

The little secret that everyone knows but many struggle to follow.

The little secret that everyone knows but many struggle to follow.

The little secret that everyone knows but many struggle to follow.